cyclopticgaze - I Done Gradjeeated

I Done Gradjeeated

Feb 18, 2009

It may be a "big deal," but graduating from college is not hard. You read the requirements, take the classes you need to take, and show up wearing a cap and gown. I'm not saying that it's easy, but one can earn a bachelor's degree without any measure of independence.

I wish I could say the same for the PhD. With grad school, you must do everything. It is, after all, about doing independent work. Still, living in Connecticut and graduating from Arizona State took a level of independence, initiative, and determination that few should be required to demonstrate.

The process was fraught with peril. And, in the end, ASU administration never gave me any indication that I had actually graduated. Indeed, the only sign that I ever received came from a guy at the ASU bookstore.

The very last step in the interminable process is to submit multiple printed copies of the dissertation to the bookstore for binding. Scratch that, the last step is to submit copies to the bookstore and then pay mass quantities of money for the binding.

So, I'm on the phone with this bookstore guy. He's received the copies of my dissertation that I mailed to him (he was gracious and acquiesced to accepting them via mail; normally they insist on submitting in person), and after he reviewed them for print quality and final formatting, he tallies up my charges.

"At this point, I don't care. Just take my credit card number and charge me whatever!" I say.

He does, and follows with, "Ok, you're set. Well, congratulations."

"Huh? That's it?"

"Yep, that's the last step."

"Well, yeah, I know that it's the last step, but" — After eight months of red tape and inflexible administrators and countless cross-continental hang-ups to untangle, I know everything about the process. — "but, I guess I mean that that's really anticlimactic."

"Heh. Yeah, it really is."

He's clearly had this conversation before, and I can tell that he enjoys it. Right away I realize that, despite the fact that he is always dealing with harried people sick of administrative minutiae, in the end his job is to give people their degrees. I reckon most people are very happy to talk to him, no matter their stress level.

"Wow. Ok. So, now what? How does the university know that I'm all done?" I'm frightened that, despite being steeped in the process, there's some hidden something that I've missed. Something that will block my graduation. Shudder to think, something that I'd have to do in person.

"Oh, I'll just send a copy of this receipt to the Grad College and that tells them that you've paid and finished up."

This was comforting. And when I received a copy of the receipt myself, I almost framed the damned thing.

But that was it. Graduation came and went (and I didn't attend). No word from ASU yes or no. No clear way to ask them. One little problem arose in early February and was quickly squashed. I think I graduated. Pretty sure. Then, yesterday, I received a stiff envelope labeled DO NOT FOLD. Now I can rest easy.

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